Lend Me Your Eyes, I Can Change What You See

ifyoucarryonthisway:

i need a job where i work one hour a week and i get paid a thousand dollars a minute 

geometricdeathtrap:

metallikato:

generallegendary:

metallikato:

jewelstaites:

how to give a good handjob

• bop it
• pull it
• twist it

• harder
• better
• faster
• stronger 

You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!

Cha cha real smooth

none of you ever touch a penis

kaosunseen:

dzamonja-swag:

rabioheab:

i think my neighbourhood deserves a sitcom because there’s

• me, the teen blogger
• a house with 8 nuns
• a drug dealer who drives a hummer
• a scottish man who only ever wears a kilt and mows his lawn at 3 am
• an elderly couple who drive everywhere on their lawn mower
• a peacock who has been roaming the neighbourhood for years and no one knows why or where it came from 

I’d watch the shit outta that show

yeah shit me too sign me up

inbox:

Before Tumblr i thought blogging was something 30 year old single mothers did. Discussing recipes and parenting techniques

saddeer:

I’m fun to flirt with but not to date because I’m a psychopath